


Take Me In

by baeminhyuk



Series: There's Something About You And Me [1]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Future Fic, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 08:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15263850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeminhyuk/pseuds/baeminhyuk
Summary: They break up on a Saturday in the sunshine, Lisa's tanned legs peeking out under her shorts and Jennie's hair a mess from the wind.It's always hello, then goodbye. It's neverstay.





	Take Me In

**Author's Note:**

> i was inspired by bp's song ['stay'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzVR_fymZw4) to write this one. a melancholic fic for such heartbreaking lyrics. semi-au angst since chaeyoung wasn't a yg trainee here :) enjoy!

 

They break up on a Saturday in the sunshine, Lisa's tanned legs peeking out under her shorts and Jennie's hair a mess from the wind. The day is so  _them._ Lisa wonders if that's what makes it all feel so wrong.

She's tired, Jennie says. She just can't stay in Seoul anymore.

"I'll come with you."

"No," she says. "You can't"

Lisa wants to know why not. Why can't she? It's summer. They'll go on an adventure — a backpacking trip around Europe or Asia! — and then come back in August when her modelling stints begin, and Jennie can get serious about producing her new album and what else she's going to do with her life.

She should have known better than to say that. Jennie doesn't want to think about it. Never has. She wants _nownownow_. Jisoo plans, Jennie does. Lisa's always been somewhere in the middle, holding Jennie's hand, tugging her along little by little, just enough that she doesn't really realize that she's headed where they want her to go.

Not this time. Jennie won't let her take her anywhere, wants to go be free, be something else, _be away from her_.

"I love you."

"I know, Lisa. I just... can't."

Jennie kisses her, and she tries to hang on to the petite Korean girl. Slips her hand into her hair and runs her thumb over that spot just behind her ear that they both love. Jennie takes a deep breath. Lisa knows her well enough to know that this is it. She's leaving. _She's leaving her_.

"Jennie, wait."

"It's not you," she says. "It's not you, Lisa."

She kisses her cheek and walks away.

Lisa wonders when she stopped being enough for Jennie Kim.

Wonders if she ever really was.

 

* * *

 

Lisa doesn't see her off, doesn't know where she's going off  _to_. She supposes it doesn't matter.

She sits with a bottle of wine and her best friend (who leaves for an hour with 'business' to attend to, and Lisa's not an idiot; she knows where Ten goes). It's quiet in their unit, neither saying anything; Lisa doesn't want to talk, and Ten acts like he doesn't care. They both know he does, of course. These two have been friends for too long for Lisa not to know that Ten is concerned.

"Let's go out."

Lisa shakes her head. Going out won't end this feeling. Going out won't do anything but leave her with ringing ears and a hangover.

Going out won't stop her from thinking about Jennie, wondering where she is, how she is.

She lays back on her bed, mind fuzzy with too much 4-year old Merlot, and looks at the ceiling in the darkness.

Fitting, she thinks, Jennie is running while she's standing still.

 

* * *

 

She goes through the motions.

Goes to shoots. Goes to variety and music shows to perform. Even enrolls in a local university to get a master’s degree. Dinner with her parents, drinks with Ten, coffee with Jisoo.

She finds a few of Jennie’s things laying around; some clothes and makeup and a couple pairs of shoes. She puts them all in a box and puts it on the top shelf of her hall closet in the apartment she buys.

You know, Jennie might come back for them someday.

(She might come back for her someday.)

 

* * *

 

She knows it's stupid to get involved with Bambam. She knows it. It's  _always_  been stupid to get involved with Bambam.

But he's there, and he's willing, and everything's so easy with him.

No, easy isn't the right word. Most of the time she feels like she's babysitting him, showing him how to behave and be mature, and sometimes it's difficult.

But he's there.

It goes on for a couple months, casually mostly, much to Ten and Jisoo’s dismay (the fact that she's seeing Bambam at all, not the fact that it's casual.)

One night when she's pissed at him and he's acting like a total tool to Ten, she says something she shouldn't, right in front of Ten and Jisoo.

( _"Why can't you just be Jennie?"_ )

And so that ends that.

 

* * *

 

The first time Jennie comes home, Lisa doesn't hear about it. She's told people that she doesn't care, they know she's lying, but they don't mention Jen's name, don't bring her up, and Lisa's happy. She cares. She just doesn't want to know. She _can't_. If she hears she's back in town, she'll wait on her doorstep and make a fool of herself by begging her or kissing her or telling her she's still in love with her, even after seven months of her being away.

She's trying to not to be pathetic. Some days, it's harder than the others.

She wakes up at 2:00 AM when the bed dips. Lisa has no idea how she got in. She smells like airplane and sandalwood and  _Jennie_ , and she doesn't want to smile, but she can't help it.

"Hi," she whispers across the pillow.

"Hi." Jennie reaches for her hand under the covers and twines their fingers together. "I came to see you first."

Lisa doesn't know if that means anything.

Lisa kisses her like it does.

Jennie is home for eight days, and no one would even guess they really talk to each other, since they do their talking at night in Jen's hotel room or her apartment.

She lays beneath the covers and tells her about New York, where Lisa learns she's been. She tells her about being one of the top managing editors and fashion columnists for Vogue, and how silly the whole thing is, giggles when Lisa tickles her, teasing her that she never knew she was such a brilliant mind. (Of course she knew.)

The Korean girl gives her lemon candies, the kind she used to give away to YG trainees during tough training days, the kind Lisa always stole and stuffed in her gym bag's pockets. Lisa smiles and kisses her neck, practically tackles her to the bed and _god_ , she feels like they could do this for the rest of their lives.

Jennie's gone on the eighth day when Lisa wakes up. No note, no nothing. She doesn't know when she's going to be back, and her heart breaks all over again.

She wants Jennie to stop doing this to her. She doesn't know what else she can do to make her.

 

* * *

 

It's been a year since Jennie left.

Lisa doesn't know whether she wants time to slow down, or speed up.

 

* * *

 

She hears through her mother that Jennie has enrolled at the Parsons School of Design, and she surprises herself with how bitter she sounds when she asks how long that'll last. She's taking up art and design history, which makes her laugh, because that's just so something Jennie would do, pick something that will challenge her and learn as much as she could about it. She can picture Jennie bent over 2-inch thick books, filling up dozens of notebooks, then being the kind soul that she is and helping anyone who didn't understand a lesson over coffee, and just basically winning everyone over.

Halfway through fall semester in New York, Jennie emails her. ( _The oldest dictionary in the college library is from 17-something and they keep it in this glass room with humidifiers and you have to put on gloves to even touch it. It's just a_ book _! But it's really neat. Parsons is nice. You'd like it here, Lisa._ ) There's no salutation, no sign off, no x's or o's like she used to write, and no multiple exclamation points. But somehow, it still sounds like her. She can picture her writing it.

(She can read between the lines. That last one says,  _I miss you, Lisa._ )

And yeah, she'd like New York.

So she writes her back. ( _Dictionaries are_ important _, Jen. Don't they teach you that at that fancy school? I'd tell you what the oldest dictionary in Thailand is, but... Yeah, I don't really mind. It's so rainy in Seoul. I miss summer._ ) She doesn't sign hers off either, just hits send once she's checked that she hasn't spelled anything wrong.

(She'll be able to read between her lines. That last one says, _I miss you too, Jennie_.)

She thinks maybe these emails will become a regular thing.

 

* * *

 

They don't.

 

* * *

 

At Christmas, she meets up with Jisoo in Myeongdong and asks how she's spending her holidays. She kind of mumbles and looks to the floor and stuffs her hand in her pocket and says something about going to New York to meet up with Jennie.

Lisa smiles and nods and says, "Give my best," but they both know that she means ( _wants)_ to say a hell of a lot more than that.

Jisoo, who Lisa knows is up on the whole saga of her and Jennie's relationship, just smiles and says she will.

That night, Lisa informs Ten that since Jisoo is out of town for the holidays, maybe a vacation is in order. They end up in Jeju Island, exchange slightly extravagant gifts that neither of them really needs. But Lisa wears her simple but elegant Gucci watch every day, and she sits as Ten tries on his new pair of Balenciagas.

She goes two days without thinking of Jennie, and she feels so guilty that she messages her on Christmas evening after too much of whatever alcohol it is Ten has flowing, tells her she hopes she's having a good Christmas.

And she adds those taboo words at the end ( _I miss you_ ) because she's had enough alcohol and heartache and time away from Jennie.

"Lisa!" Ten calls from across the VIP of this bar they're in. "Meet Eunha.”

The gleam in Ten's eye is unmistakable.

And Eunha is gorgeous.

So, like a few times before, she throws on a smile, sidles up next to her and leans over to speak in her ear.

(The reply comes the next morning, and she pulls her arm out from beneath Eunha’s head to reach for her phone.

_Merry Christmas!_

No  _I miss you_.)

 

* * *

 

The girl she meets at her masteral classes in February is completely unexpected. She's got this bright red hair that's so gorgeous other women are envious, long and wavy, almost curly, really, hazel-brown eyes, and a delicate face and a slender body. She's from Australia, with the diction and everything, and she's completely lost when she sees her with a campus map and asks if she needs help.

Chaeyoung is somehow the anti-Jennie in one girl, and she's not really sure how that's even possible, but she likes it. They stroll through campus with coffee in their hands and she listens to her explain that she's just moved to Seoul, and she's starting summer classes in Lisa’s school in a few months, but she's just working right now at this laid back bar across the street. She invites her to stop by some time. 

She does the next Friday.

And a glass or two too much of soju is what convinces her that going to Chaeyoung’s apartment at 2:00 AM is a good idea.

It really is, though.

She's pretty awesome.

And maybe this girl will help her get over that other one.

 

* * *

 

It's summer before Jennie comes back into town. She's been with Chaeyoung for months, and things are going well, so the petite Korean woman with porcelain skin and cat-like eyes sitting on the sofa in Jisoo’s condo when she walks in one day? That throws a bit of a wrench in the works.

"Lisa!" she cries happily, rushing over to her. She's barely set down her bag before her arms are around her, face pressed against her neck. "Hi."

"Hey," Lisa whispers, pulling away, hands on her elbows as she looks at her. _God_ , she's beautiful. "You're here."

"I know," she whispers back, smiling at Lisa. “Jisoo’s trying to kick me out."

“Jisoo is trying to do work, and Jendeukie is demanding attention," Jisoo says, smirking though, because they all kind of love these times when Jennie shows up in a whirlwind and takes over everyone's lives for a couple days. "Perhaps Lisa will entertain you for a while."

" _Perhaps_ ," Jennie mocks, spinning around again to look at Lisa. She just smiles and nods. “Jisoo-unnie, can we have samgyeopsal tonight?"

Jisoo nods and reaches for her phone. "I'll arrange it."

"You're the best," she says, walking over to kiss Jisoo's cheek before grabbing her bag.

As they're walking towards the elevator, she loops her arm through Lisa's and rests her head against the taller girl's shoulder, her hair tickling Lisa's arm.

"I'm not the best?" Lisa asks, pouting just enough to be cute.

Jennie laughs and pushes her into the elevator. "Of course you are," she says quietly, twining their fingers together.

There's always a part of her that's completely shocked when Jennie actually comes home. Sometimes she thinks she'll just stay gone forever, call once in a blue moon with some crazy story about her life, then disappear again until the next time. That she ever comes back to Korea at all is still strange to Lisa.

If this is her home base, why can't it just be her _home_?

Jennie talks about New York and her apartment and modelling for Chanel and the people she's met at Parsons. She also talks about the crazy woman who lives in her building who refers to her exclusively as 'Asian Angel'. She asks Lisa all about school, and she shares stories about her professors and her classmates, and the guy in her class who literally has a new girlfriend he claims to be in love with every week and a half.

It's pointless small talk, really, but she doesn't care, because she's walking next to her, smiling and laughing. She's in her life again, and Lisa will talk to her about whatever she can think of for as long as that's the case.

"So, who is she?" Jennie finally asks as they stroll around Hongdae, sipping some coffee.

Lisa shrugs. "Who?"

She playfully punches her arm. "You know who," she giggles. "The girl who's got you smiling."

Lisa laughs a little and shakes her head as she looks at her feet, then Jennie’s, the bright yellow polish on her toes.

Jennie just doesn't get it. She's never gotten it. Lisa's starting to believe she never will.

"You," she tells her seriously.

And she doesn't want to talk about Chaeyoung with her. Chaeyoung is hers; someone only she really knows about. Jisoo doesn't approve and Ten doesn't really have an opinion, other than to say that Chaeyoung is definitely attractive. Lisa wants to keep her to herself.

Or maybe she just doesn't want to let Jennie know how serious this relationship is. She knows Jisoo must have said something anyway.

She leaves again after a week. They spend time together until she does. One day when Jennie calls her, she's at Chaeyoung's watching late night television on her TV in the middle of the afternoon, and she ignores Jen's call. She feels terrible about it for the rest of the day, so she tells Chaeng she has to go and her girlfriend doesn't ask any questions.

She and Jennie don't kiss, not on the lips. She kisses her cheek as she and Jisoo stand at the curb beside the taxi that'll take them to the airport. Jisoo’s going to Japan for her show.

Lisa tries not to be bitter that Jisoo is leaving, but at least it's a given that she'll come back; at least there's a timeline on it.

Jennie hugs her tight, her fingers threading through the hair at the back of Lisa's head. "I'll miss you."

She laughs and runs her hand down Jen's back. "Promise?"

"Only if you promise to miss me, too," the shorter girl says, smiling as she pulls away.

"Then you'll have to miss me a lot," Lisa tells her. She's got a love/hate relationship with this joking thing they do, because she's glad they can, but at the same time, all she wants is to tell Jennie that she loves her.

Because she does.

Jennie kisses the side of her mouth, the corners of their lips touching. "I promise."

 

* * *

 

"Where have you been?" Chaeyoung asks laughingly when she walks into her apartment a couple days after Jennie leaves.

Chaeyoung knows about Jennie. She knows that Jen is an ex, a 'big one', she says. Whatever that means. She knows that she broke up with her and probably broke her heart. She knows that Jennie has been in town.

And Lisa's been pretty absent lately.

"Sorry. Lots going on. I didn't want to drag you into it," she says, hooking her arm around her waist.

She kisses her hair, lets the smell of her shampoo take her over a little bit.

It's not right, but it'll do.

"What? Did you miss me or something?" Lisa asks, kissing the side of Chaeyoung's neck.

"Not really," she jokes. She turns in her arms and smiles. "You?"

"Not at all," Lisa says, and she thinks it might be a little too close to the truth.

 

* * *

 

She's pretty shocked to see Jennie's name on her caller ID sometime in November when she's trying to write this essay she's got to finish and she's looking for reasons to procrastinate.

Of course, she calls at the perfect moment.

"Well, well," she says, leaning back in her chair, smiling to herself. "Look who remembered how to use a phone."

"Lalisa? Is that you? I can't hear you over the jerk who's making bad jokes," she says, then giggles. She loves that sound. "How are you?"

"I'm really good. How are you?"

"Bored. And homesick. And a little tired," she tells her.

She checks the time on her laptop and shakes her head. "Isn't it like, 3:00 AM there? Of course you're tired." She lets out this little purring noise, and Lisa recognizes it as the one she used to make all the time when she was in bed, getting ready to fall asleep. "So, homesick?"

"Yeah," she whispers. "And I thought... there's no one else I wanted to talk to, really."

Lisa wonders if Jennie does this on purpose, just to torture her.

 

* * *

 

Jennie comes home for Christmas and they spend days in Busan, sipping hot chocolate and _sikhye_  from street vendors, having tickle fights and playing rounds of tagthey're way too old to have.

And she tells her about Chaeyoung. She doesn't know why, really, just that it feels wrong not to tell her. She wants her to know what's going on with her, and Jen's told her all about her life.

But then Jennie gets really quiet and she's looking down, her hair falling around her face as they walk.

"Wow," she whispers. "You've been with her for a long time."

"Yeah," Lisa says, shrugging one shoulder. "I mean, I guess."

"I want to meet her," she states, looking over at the Thai girl.

Lisa knows she's lying.

"Yeah. Maybe."

Jennie leaves on the 26th. Chaeyoung comes back from Australia on the 27th. Lisa is relieved.

It doesn't take any time at all (just Chaeyoung asking why she's moping) for her to realize that despite everything, Jennie is _still_ the most important woman in her life.

The really scary thing is that she honestly doesn't think Jennie knows that.

Even scarier? Lisa doesn't see it changing.

 

* * *

 

She tries hard with Chaeyoung.

Actually, she doesn't have to try at all. It's easy. There's no questioning of her feelings or worrying about Chaeng leaving. (Which is a nice change.)

But then there's Jisoo, back from her taping in Japan, sporting attitude in shades, standing in front of Lisa in her unit.

"What are you doing with another girl when you're still in love with our best friend?"

She decides that Jisoo is really annoying when she's right.

 

* * *

 

Lisa gets her masteral degree in film production in June with honors. Her entire family was there, brimming with pride, with Jisoo, who was wearing this smile that could blind someone from a mile away.

It should feel amazing, but all Lisa can think about is one stupid morning when she and Jennie were laying in bed in their dorm room and she was talking about how crazy it would be when they finally debut, how she'd probably still be feeling lost. Lisa had kissed her and kissed her and kissed her and told her she could do whatever she wanted to do wherever she wanted to do it.

She thinks she'd like to take that statement back. She's not stupid enough to think Jennie would have stayed, the country was way too small for Jennie anyway, she just wouldn't have felt like she somehow pushed the Korean girl away.

 

* * *

 

She doesn't know she's back in Seoul until she sees her picture in Hongdae.

With Hanbin.

Hugging Hanbin.

She shouldn't be mad, really. She shouldn't.

It's just that Hongdae was always theirs. Hongdae was  _LisaandJen's_. She and Hanbin had everywhere else, the whole world. Hongdae belonged to  _them_  and she's ruining it.

She finds Jennie sitting on the floor outside her apartment, long legs and black romper and trench coat and head tipped back against the wall, half-eaten, melted ice cream sitting in a dish next to her. Her eyes are closed. She hates Jennie for being so fucking beautiful.

She kicks her foot, puts her hands on her hips and smiles as Jennie opens her eyes.

The bottom line is, no matter what she does, how she hurts her, there's a corner (a big one) of her heart that will  _alwaysalwaysalways_  be hers and hers alone.

"Hi," she says, looking up at Lisa.

(Maybe she's bitter, but all she can think is that every time Jennie says hello, she inevitably says goodbye, too.)

"You wanna come in? Or should I pull up some floor?" she asks teasingly.

She laughs and she holds her hand out. As soon as Jen's on her feet, Lisa's hugging her. Or she's hugging Lisa. It doesn't really matter with them, since they fit together so well and it's pretty much the most natural thing for Lisa to be holding her.

She pushes open the door and Jennie kicks off her Gucci loafers once she's inside. Lisa thinks it looks like Jen's never left, her shoes on the floor, her bag hooked over the back of the chair at the counter in the kitchen. She's standing, looking out the window, then she turns back to Lisa.

"I really missed this apartment," Jennie says, smiling at her.

"Just the place?" she asks, crossing her arms.

"Mostly," Jennie says as she sits down on the sofa. "Maybe you a little bit, too."

She walks over and sits down next to her, and Jennie immediately slips her arm through hers, leaning against her. She's finding it hard to remind herself that she has a boyfriend. Or whatever it is that Hanbin is to her.

It should freak her out how easy they fall into their friendship (relationship?) again. But it's always been like this, every time Jennie left. And it was always Jennie doing the leaving, her doing the waiting. It doesn't matter if she's gone for a week or two years. When she comes back, it's easy with them. They're just like that. She thinks it's their normal.

They order some fast food and eat straight from the containers, and she opens a bottle of wine she has laying around. She laughs at Lisa's stories of what it's like to be always be with Jisoo and Ten (completely ridiculous). Jennie shakes her head and says that she misses everyone, and Lisa bites her tongue so she doesn't just yell at her that she doesn't have to miss them. She doesn't have to miss this apartment. She doesn't have to miss her. Lisa would rather she didn't, actually.

"So, you're with Hanbin,” she says after drink #3. It's usually around this point that they start getting really honest. "How's that working out?"

There's a bitterness in her voice that she won't apologize for, not after everything. Not after all that drama they went through during their trainee days.

"It's... It's fine. It's good, I mean. He's grown up a lot." she tells her. Lisa rolls her eyes, but Jennie doesn't notice. "We're good."

"Just good?" she asks. Jennie shrugs her shoulder, the bare one that's not covered by the black and white trench coat she was wearing. "Jennie,  _why_  are you with that guy?"

"Lis…”

"No," she says, shaking her head. "Don't make excuses. I actually want to know. What does... Why him?"

_What does he have that I don't? Why him and not me?_

“Hanbin and I have always..."

"Not  _always_ ," she cuts her off, looking at her dangerously. Jennie closes her eyes and moves closer to her, her knee brushing the latter's thigh. "Not always, Jennie.”

"No," Jennie whispers. "Not always." She turns again, rests her head on the Thai dancer’s shoulder. "It's just easy with him."

"It was easy with us," she reminds her. Jennie scoffs. "I mean, when there wasn't Hanbin or Bambam… whatever. C'mon, Jennie, you know..."

_You know I love you best._

"After last time, with you and your girlfriend..."

"She's not my girlfriend anymore."

"I thought... You were just so happy, and I thought you were... I thought you were in love with her," she admits quietly. "I left and ran into Hanbin, and I thought... I don't know what I thought. Maybe I  _wasn't_  thinking."

Lisa doesn't know why they do this to themselves, to each other.

"Are you thinking now?"

"I'm thinking... your shoulder is really comfortable," she says. She laughs a little and reaches for Lisa’s hand, holding it against her thigh. "I  _missed_  you, you know?"

"Missed you, too," Lisa says, pressing a kiss to her hair. They sit there in the quiet for a little bit, just sipping their drinks and not saying anything. "Chaeyoung was jealous of you."

"What?" she laughs.

She finishes her drink and takes both of their glasses, setting them on the table. She looks at her, hand slipping into her hair as Jennie blinks at her. She eyes the curve of her collarbone, the pink of her lips.

"She knew I loved you," she says quietly.

Jennie smiles and nibbles her bottom lip a little to try to hide it. "Loved? Past tense?"

She kisses Jennie before she can stop her. (She wasn't going to anyway.) " _Always tense_."

Jennie laughs as Lisa lays her down on the sofa beneath her, Lisa's lips trailing down her neck to her shoulder. "Lalisa, there's no such thing as an always tense," she tells her as her fingers thread through the hair at the back of Lisa's neck.

"Sure there is," she says.

Then Lisa's hand is tugging down the straps of her romper, and she loses the will to argue the point any further.

 

* * *

 

"When are you gonna stay?" she asks quietly, nose brushing against Jennie’s. "One day... one day you have to, right?"

"I don't know." She says it so casually that it makes Lisa angry.

"Promise me."

She closes her eyes and presses her forehead against Lisa's.

" _I can't_."

 

* * *

 

Lisa doesn't know when Jennie left, but it's like she was never there at all, hardly a trace of her in her place, just pink lipstick on a wine glass and the faint smell of her on her sheets.

 

* * *

 

She wonders if it breaks Jennie’s heart like it does her every time she goes.

 

* * *

 

Jennie graduates from Parsons and everyone goes to the States to see her. Everyone but Lisa.

Her invite sits tacked up on her fridge, Jennie’s loopy writing on the back asking her to come.

Maybe it's childish, but Lisa thinks about all the times she asked her to come home, all the times she asked her to stay and she didn't, and she decides that maybe in some sick, twisted way, this is her payback. She knows it doesn't mean anything.

She's Jennie, and she's going to do whatever it is that she wants to do.

 

* * *

 

It's been a year since she last saw Jennie or heard from her. A full year.

She dated a guy, one of Jisoo’s friends. But he was a pain in the neck and frankly, wasn't Jennie, and despite Jisoo’s threats (none of which she followed through on) she broke up with him after a month and a half.

She spirals a little bit. Maybe Jen's last visit was just too much, breaking up with Hanbin (Lisa doesn't care) and whatever. She knows they broke up (Jisoo managed to not-so-subtly drop that into a conversation) and she doesn't care what Jennie’s reasons were if she wasn't one of them. Given that she's not back in Korea, she thinks it's safe to assume she wasn't.

Ten, always a fan of a good spiral, stands by his friend, makes sure she gets home alright or puts her in his unit after a particularly rough night. They drink together on nights when Ten can, and he doesn't ask Lisa any questions.

Sometimes he gets answers anyway.

"She just... she doesn't even  _care_ ," Lisa says one night after too much gin and tonic.

Ten doesn't ask who or what Lisa is talking about. He just nods his head sagely, sips his drink. "It's hard for her to care. Always has been."

"Not with me," Lisa says quietly.

He knows there's no argument against that.

 

* * *

 

She turns up on her doorstep in the middle of October hair wet, clothes drenched from the downpour outside, and bags at her feet. And she's crying.

Lisa pulls her inside immediately. No matter what they've been through, what she's put her through or any of the rest of it, they both know she's never going to turn her away. Never. So she lets her cry against her, clutching her shirt at her back in her fists, runs her hand over Jennie’s hair and up and down her back.

"Ni," she says after a while, when they're sitting on her sofa, Jennie practically on top of her.

"It's my umma," she says quietly, eyes clouded with tears again.

She doesn't have to say anything more, and she pulls her onto her lap and holds her tight.

The cancer wasn't real the first time, 10 years ago. It was the second time. It is now.

 

* * *

 

They spend two full days in her apartment. She doesn't leave her bed the first day, and she does only to bring her food and coffee and grab movies from the living room they can watch in the bedroom. Nothing happens. She doesn't kiss Lisa and Lisa's not stupid enough to kiss her. They just curl up together, and she lets her cry when she needs to, doesn't say anything about it if she's trying to hide it.

And given that her phone hasn't rung once since she showed up, she thinks that no one else knows she's in the country. She came to her. That makes her feel better than it probably should, but after all the leaving, it's nice to know that she comes back sometimes, too. Lisa had forgotten that part a little bit.

"Shouldn't you go see her?" she asks on day three, before she has to go to this magazine shoot and Jennie’s still laying in her bed. She shakes her head. "Jennie."

"Not yet," Jennie whispers. "I can't yet."

"Okay," she says quietly. Without even thinking, Lisa leans over and kisses her, just as a goodbye. Jennie's still got her eyes closed when she pulls away, and there's a little smile on her lips. "Sorry."

Jennie shakes her head and pulls the covers up a little more. "Don't be."

Lisa doesn't bother asking what she means by that, if she means anything. She leaves the apartment for the day and it takes everything in her not to call Jisoo or Ten and tell them Jen's home.

Maybe it's selfish, but she wants her to herself just a little longer.

And honestly, she thinks she deserves it.

 

* * *

 

She gets out of the shoot and she gets a text from Jennie telling her to come to her mom's place. She's proud of her. It's stupid, because she obviously came to Korea to see her mom. She should have done it sooner, but she's glad she's doing it now.

When she walks into the Kim home, she sees Jennie and her mom in the living room, Jennie on the floor and her mother running her hand through her daughter's hair. She's greeted with two tired, scared smiles, and she walks over, kissing Jennie’s mom’s cheeks and hugging Jennie. She helps Jennie off the floor and she sits next to her on the opposite sofa, and they all just talk. Just talk about nothing and whatever trivial things that don't include words like 'treatment' or 'cancer' or 'the odds'. Lisa knows it's not her place to ask them any of the more intense questions about her health.

But when she's in the kitchen fixing hot cocoa (on Jennie's insistence; apparently she makes the best cocoa out of any of them), Jennie’s mother comes in and has a hushed conversation.

"Thank you, Lisa,” she says, laying her hand on her forearm. "She always needs a little more help than she likes to admit."

Lisa manages a soft laugh and nods her head. "I really don't mind, ma’am,” she admits.

"I know that," the older woman says. She looks upward, fighting tears, and Lisa doesn't know what to do, so she rests her hand over hers. "I just want her to be happy."

For the first time, she thinks her prognosis might not be that good at all.

"I do too," she says quietly.

She curls her fingers around Lisa's, fingertips pressing against her palm, forces Lisa to look at her. "You are wonderful, Lisa," she says with conviction. "And she knows that, too."

Something inside her shifts, and she starts to believe that maybe their story doesn't have to be a tragedy.

 

* * *

 

When they get back to her apartment, Jennie’s kissing her before she's even got the door closed. But it's not a demanding kiss at all. It's soft, like a thank you against her lips, and so Lisa holds her gently, as though she might break if her touch is too hard on her skin.

"I miss you, Lisa,” she whispers, pressing her face against her neck.

"I know, Jennie. I miss you, too," she says, running a soothing hand up and down her back. "Your umma is worried about you."

"I'm worried about her," she argues. "And I knew she was talking about me with you."

She laughs quietly and pulls her a little further into the apartment. She reaches for Lisa's hand and walks them to the bedroom. It's a disaster, her suitcases scattered around, her clothes strewn about. It's almost like when they lived together. Lisa likes it.

But then she sits down at the edge of the bed and pulls her shirt over her head, dropping it onto the floor.

"Jennie."

"Lisa, please," she says, reaching for her hand. "I just... I want you, okay? I just want _you_."

She knows it's a bad idea, that she'll only be left with a broken heart for the hundredth time when Jennie leaves again. But she loves her, and she stopped fighting it a long time ago. And the way she feels beneath her, against her, kissing her, moaning out her name... it's almost  _enough_.

 

* * *

 

She stays well into December, splitting her time between her mom's side and Lisa's.

They haven't put a label on what they are. She has no idea. They're friends, but they sleep in the same bed, and they sleep together, and they kiss all the time. They're a couple, but they don't call each other girlfriend.

She's pretty sure she'd marry Jennie tomorrow if she asked.

Jennie’s mother doesn't get any better, but she doesn't get any worse, either, so they take that as a positive and try not to count the days. Lisa holds Jen's hand every time there's a doctor's appointment and she's waiting on the news. She helps the Kims with things they can't do and is generally a third member of the family, and she likes it that way.

They go to Jeju for a long weekend, the three of them.

She and Jennie are sitting out in their villa, the older girl between her legs, back to her chest. It's completely dark, except for moonlight and some stars, and she thinks this is the perfect time to say the one word she's wanted to say for months.

"Stay," she says softly, lips against the shell of her ear. She doesn't tense in her arms, doesn't stand up, doesn't start yelling. She doesn't immediately tell her that she can't, and Lisa knows that has to mean something.

"Why?" Jennie whispers as she weaves her fingers together with Lisa's over her stomach.

Lisa smiles. "Because I love you."

Jennie takes a deep breath and leans her head against her a little more. "Okay," she says. "I'll stay. I want to stay." Jennie turns her head to kiss her, and she's smiling the entire time. "I love you, too."

"Yeah?" Forgive her for wanting to make sure.

Jennie nods, turns and pushes her onto her back, lays herself on top of her. " _Always tense_."

She's laughing when Lisa kisses her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hit me with a kudos and a comment! really looking forward to writing more for this fandom so please send me some encouragement. enjoy this one-shot!
> 
> p.s. my super talented friend [subtlesuccession](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtlesuccession/pseuds/subtlesuccession) made a beautiful [poster](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D4-8vvxU4AA-aCM.jpg:large) for this fic! thank you, dear; you're amazing!
> 
> p.s.s. i'm on twitter as well [@baeminhyuk](https://twitter.com/baeminhyuk)! chat me up there :)


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